no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
