Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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