remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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