im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
