I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
