I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
