North Korea, Best Korea!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
