so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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