I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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