I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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