I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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