I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
