she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Terrible idea I love it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
