Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
