I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You are the jesus of drinking
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
