mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
