my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
