I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
