alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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