dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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