wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
