all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
it glows. i had to have it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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