had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
