in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
