you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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