OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
