And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
