Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
