Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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