so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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