I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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