Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
