dude i'm inner monologue high
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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