either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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