Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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