I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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