I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
no. you can't hotbox the world.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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