I wanna passion pit in your ass
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
