i think i have two assholes
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
