She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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