The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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