i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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