what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
