Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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