I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
