The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
