Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She's the barista slut.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
