Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
