I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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