Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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