Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
